thankfully the sun has dried my eyes. outside the house of souls. moss hangs from the tree.
we’re all so afraid of whats beyond this life because we are only familiar with the pleasures of this world. walking through the door of the unknown requires an unimaginable level of bravery when you know you’re upon your final hours.
it’s insane that as i climb near the pinnacle of my career, i lose a major source of my flame. i am now holding the torch to bring light to every soul i connect to.
i am the radiant sun, the cosmic birch producing fruit & shade. a judge, fighting for the less fortunate, a warrior bending space & time.
time stopped when you took your last breath. your kindness will be felt transmuted through the thousands of eyes my art sees. i’ll never cease creating as long as my flesh & bones allow it. this world is cruel & hollow at times & there’s moments when it’s deafening. the color of life is a dimmer shade now that you’re gone. they say “gone too soon” when we don’t understand the greater plan. at the time it stings.
its a pit inside that you eventually come to terms with. (hopefully)
the last words you spoke to me was i was due for a whooping, full-throttle, & that you were going to suplex me. i deserved it the way i dodged family calls. you only wanted the best for me & i mistook what i didn’t understood at the time as control. i hope to forgive myself one day. i know you forgave me.
mark 1:11 for you are my son, whom i am well pleased
May 21st 2022, i placed sand atop your final resting place after the service we held for you. ashes to ashes, dust to dust. who knew this fight with cancer would return for round two. life remains unpredictable.
i’ve fully grown into the creative being i was meant to become. my ideas & train of thought are different. i am different.
i honestly don’t know what to make of being home. heartache since November of 2021 that’s distracted me from a lot. that’s when we got the news his health began taking a turn.
i’ve truly missed a lot of my friends. i’ve learned a lot about myself, my family, my friends, & where i want to be. mostly we do what we know best & make the most of it. we all spin on this rock together becoming cyclical by nature.
there’s been tons of ups & downs.
i hope when you enjoy any of my art you remember to celebrate whats here. definitely watch this video i created below. these are filled with all significant moments
most of my time recently has been spent painting. it took me a while to get this entry ready. all that matters is you keep going.
in the fall-winter (2022) my life turned into some type of odd movie screaming out loud. i’ve been typing at this post for a while.. updating it as times goes on and saving a newer version of the draft, until finally able to post.
i want to have something. i want to have legacy. this has been a transformative time of my life.. i’m grateful for every single thing. i’ll hope those who want to learn more about me visit this cornerstone of a personal journal entry.
its been over a year that i’ve been typing up this specific journal entry
it feels easier to show pictures of what’s been going on instead of stumbling over my words to write about it. so much happens in a day. so much can happen in a month. capturing photos is a crucial part of my routine. i’m blessed to have the hardware & software to express myself in these ways.
the most i’d have time for is a little writing here & there with a few edited photo uploads.
time is fascinating, furthermore time with technology is astonishing.
“i like to imagine a life where my parents didn’t push back too hard on my dedicated exploration of art. my peers seem to think i’m doing something right with pursuing my craft wholeheartedly.. i like to imagine in another universe in which my family chose the path to nurture my creative spirit as hard as i’ve been doing it, matching my energy.
it’s insane to think brilliant people are incapable of growth. i’ve placed myself in the fire of different cities & their taboos taking with me experience that can’t be imagined until soaking it in first-hand.
i like to joke saying i would be too powerful if I was given a sophisticated foundation. as i work towards it, truth spills out between the fabric of what’s here & the truth about my place in this string of events.
one the biggest actualization i faced returning to my hometown is that not everyone keeps splendor in their hearts when taking on the day-to-day. some folks allow for doubt, envy, greed, or machiavellian nature to seep through. some of the friendships i grew up holding dear to my heart eventually reveals itself to be a dud. a lemon. compared to my life on the west coast, the quality of people differ vastly, i mean there’s more i can trust in people i’ve known for 3 years over the ones i’ve known for 15. it’s still complicated discerning.
some people feel burnt out on the past. i hope one day the blind awaken to the regret they compile. the possibility of what could have been if only their hearts were more open to unconditional love.
unconditional love melts away fear of rejection. it melts away self-doubt. learning to love yourself builds a bridge to the world were the grass sits enriched & a little more green.
i exist to inspire the rest of the world. i’m what it looks like to live & die by your art & your craft. i’ll pick my artwork over the uncertainties of the world & others. i’m grateful for being bestowed such a gift.” – leeaux
i’m on to the next chapter of my life…
(a follow up post i created on our super hipster popular blog) be patient to load, it’s a ton of photos.
,until next time, which should be soon.